implode

indifferent to my surroundings,
content to be alone forever,
it's hard to muster up the feelings
others seem to have in spades.

riding on a haze of boredom,
coasting through life in solitude,
having pushed people away
at every twist and turn.

difficulties compound upon me,
wreaking havoc on my heart.

while others turn to friends for comfort,
i hold my sadness inside,
waiting to one day implode.

sometimes i dream of a day
when all of this is in the past.
a day when i am truly happy,
and feel no shame in myself.

looking at the world anew,
i see so many fresh young faces
ready to take life by storm,
as yet still blissfully unaware.

failures mount,
patterns reemerge,
nothing is quite the same
as it used to be
and yet nothing changes.

to break this spell i'm under,
to cast off the shroud of apathy,
i must summon up the courage
to finally allow myself to feel.

pressure building, insides roiling,
the day will come when i can stand it no longer,
these feelings i try to stifle through
my cynicism and negativity
will be held at bay no longer.

too long suppressed out of fear or shame,
all of my emotions come rushing out of me,
at long last escaping from my breast,
forever free to absorb the light of day.

raw intensity like i've never felt before,
the trappings of ennui a thing of the past,
i am open to the world, open to everything...

ultimately ready for whatever
and whomever comes my way.